I saw the fat lazy guy (http://thefatlazyguyslog.blogspot.com/) on Campbell Live and as a result this blog has started. I have been really inspired by reading through the archive of his blog and realising he was just like I am now and struggling with overeating and no exercise too. Our reasons for getting this way are different. He recently posted that change for him really came as a result of going to the psychologist and reading "Reinventing your life."
So I ordered it from the library and picked it up yesterday. I had an afternoon spent in tears as I confronted some old demons which I thought I'd put behind me but in actual fact, I've just buried them under my weight. I eat to avoid feeling vulnerable... which I do whenever I feel criticised or under any sort of attack. And that's because my life trap is Defectiveness - I had someone tell me daily as a child that I was fat and ugly and treat me as an OCD person does - they wouldn't touch me, touch anything I had touched, would clean stuff before using them (like remotes and chairs) if I had touched them. So I quite clearly felt that something (what??) was wrong with me and absorbed that message into my psyche.
If someone criticises me, I feel like they are coming close to discovering the truth, that horrid thing about me that made that treatment my fault, and so get very very defensive. At the same time I also get quite critical of others. And being with my husband has also been a big trigger.... some day he might find it too and leave. more thoughts to come but kids are demanding my attention...
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